Leave Me in Peace
by The Irish Psycho
Summary: This has been done many times before but: Cya finally gets up the nerve to tell Skids how much he loves him, but does Skid's return his feelings?


Rating: PG (language)  
Couple: Cyanide/Skids  
Summary: I'm not good at summaries but hmm... Cya admits his  
feelings toward Skids *this has been done many a time before*  
Disclaimer: These wonderful boys do not belong to me! They belong to  
the goddess known as Sandra Delete!  
  
~  
Leave Me in Peace.  
~  
  
I love you.  
  
There, I said it, I can't hide it any longer. I need you, want you, love you.  
  
And sometimes I think you loves me too. But I'm scared, I've never felt this way  
towards another man, or anyone for that matter. Sure I liked Ronnie, but it   
wasn't the same. I didn't have this deep burning passion for her. I don't  
want to say I used her, no, I would have never done that. But she was a  
distraction, something to take my mind off of my true love.  
  
You're so beautiful to me. I want to touch you, feel you, I need to satisfy my  
desire with one simple kiss. That's all it would take to send me completely  
over the edge. No, not as in climax, but to send me completely head over  
heels in love with you. Sometimes I think I'm already that deep in the   
depts of love, and it should be a wonderful feeling, but it's not. It's a horrible  
feeling because I will never be sure if you love me unless I act on my   
emotions.   
  
Oh, I want to so bad, but like I said before I'm scared shitless over it. If I   
confessed my love to you and you do not feel the same then I would die.  
Our friendship would never be the same again. We would never have  
those small tender moments that we have like a quick hug  
here and there, the occasional short cuddles when we're to tired to care  
that we're touching eachother in a sensual way, or the playful wrestling   
matches that always send us into insane bouts of laughter. We would never  
be able to do those things again.  
  
It's not fair, I don't want to feel like this, but I can't help it. Life isn't fair as my   
mother says. I'm supposed to be the hetero one dammit! Maybe I should   
confess to you, I'll never know until I try. I feel like crying over this... but I can't   
cry, I won't, I don't cry, and nothing will change that. I have to stay strong for my   
family. It hurts so much though. I sigh, it is a sad sigh, a hopeless sigh.   
I need some fresh air, maybe a walk will help clear my head.  
  
It's cold outside so I grab a coat and slip it on before running outside.  
I sigh once again and look up at the star filled night sky. It's beautiful,  
almost as beautiful as you... I shake my head to clear my mind of such   
thoughts, this walk was intended to clear my head, not to confuse me   
even more then I already am. But my mind will not wander away  
from the thought of you.  
  
I walk aimlessly through the empty streets, not really noticing or caring where  
I'm going. It doesn't matter too me. Why can't I forget you? Leave me  
in peace for christ's sake! That's it, I've decided, I will tell you before  
it eats me alive, it's already started nibbling at my senses.  
  
Some how I end up on the door step of your dorm, how I got there I don't  
remember. Well, here goes nothing. Hesitently I quietly knock on your  
door, I hope you don't hear it, maybe I can put this off for another day,  
but then I might loose my nerve.   
  
You hear it.  
  
Slowly your door opens just a crack so you can stick your head out too   
see who's knocking at your door at this late hour. You look  
exhausted. What are you thinking? Are you angry that I woke you up  
from your blissful slumber? Or are you happy to see me. I haven't  
talked to you in a few days, maybe you missed me... I hope you   
missed me... Because I missed you.  
  
Thank god, you smile brightly and open the door wide, ushering me  
inside with one of your happy-go-lucky hellos. God I love the sound  
of your voice. You never seem to be upset, but I know you will be  
after you hear what I have to tell you tonight. You ask me what I'm doing   
here, but it's not in an angry tone, it's in a friendly matter. You begin to   
say something else but I cut you off. I have something important to  
tell you I say and you go quiet. You stare at me expectantly, your  
curiousity sparked.  
  
I'm nervous, suddenly words escape me. How do I tell you? I hadn't   
thought of that before? Should I be straight forward? Or skirt around  
the subject until you finally figure out the true meaning of my conversation?  
I decide to be straight forward. I mutter a quick "Iloveyou" but you don't  
seem to hear it. Louder I say it . "I. Love. You." Your eyes light up   
but then you frown. I wait expectantly for your answer, knowing it will be  
nothing but a rejection. And then you say it. "I'm sorry... I don't feel the  
same..." I turn away from you, this time not sure if I can hold back my  
tears. I feel one slip from it's confines and run down my face. No!! I'm   
not supposed to cry! But I can't stop it.  
  
"I have to go now..." I quickly make my way to the door but you stop me  
with a hand on my shoulder. "Don't touch me!" I want to scream, but  
no words pass from my lips. And then you say: "But maybe in time  
I can return your feelings. Don't leave me."   
  
I gasp as you envelope me in your arms, hugging me from behind in a tender  
embrace. Unable to stop myself I lean back against you, relishing in   
the feel of your arms around me. "I don't want to force you into anything..."  
  
"You aren't."  
  
I sigh and nuzzle him. Finally I have set myself free and now I am in the  
arms of my beloved. My Skids.  
  
FIN. 


End file.
